Ethan Warren (Preisdent)
Class of '08
Hometown: Southboro, Massachusetts
Major: Double majoring in English and Psychology
Interests: Filmmaking and film criticism, music in all its various forms,
thick novels with a lot of interesting characters, pointing out grammar
errors in everyday life

Ethan was born to a gypsy and a Cherokee indian postal worker. He is a firm believer in the scientologist way of life (Tom Cruise is the one and only prophet) and claims to have a 9.0 thetan level; however, he still lives in constant fear of the great dark lork Xenu. This aside, Ethan is a skilled vocal percussionist with a heart of gold. Furthermore, "Ethan" is very close to "Thetan." Coincidence? I think not. In conclusion, Ethan's the man, and garbidbarbidabahbidibah.

Josh Lake
Class of '09
Hometown: Readfield, Maine
Major: History, minor in Theater
Interests: Alpine Skiing, Red Sox, hummus, The Beatles, tea.

Born in a small igloo in Readfield, Maine, Josh Lake took his roots from the streets of Augusta. After finding that his surroundings did not have enough to offer, he joined a local herd of jungle book monkeys where he learned to sing, dance, hop and various forms of public speaking. But alas, after many years, Josh was expelled from the group and forced to join the human world. From there, he took up acting and has recently starred in films such as Mr. And Mrs. Smith, Oceans 12 and Fight Club. After his adoption of a small, third world daughter, Josh decided to go back to school so that she would be brought up in an educated household. He chose Bates College because he wanted to be able to walk to school from his house and because the college did not require SAT scores, especially those administered in the jungle. Josh was quickly admitted to the ManOps as lead tambarine and will be attending Juliard in the fall. In Bed.

Ryan is Old. He likes to guffow jovially at our young people jokes. Hes one of the liveliest old men we've ever seen. But his age doesnt get in his way. When he stands upright and really belts it out he can sing a mean "wake me up when september ends", that is when he isnt shocking the masses with a load of sketchy comments. When he is tired of these he just decides to put on a funny hat and be :piere". So when one asks "what does ryan do for fun?" they are really asking "who is ooooooold ryan, sketchy and pierre." Despite all of these odd characters, Ryan still manages to be one of the nicest fellows alive. He is maniacally optimistic that the walker will be a thing of the past once he gets his new hip.

Will Hornick
Class of '07
Hometown: Irvington, NY
Major: History, and a strong concentration in Geology.
Interests: Skiing!! basketball, golf, singing, Lionel trains, Volvos

Will Hornick was concieved in a Volvo. He was born in a volvo and, upon the arrival of his first birthday, was released into the Swedeish wilderness to be taken in and raised by a pack of wild Volvos. After spending the better part of a decade living with these wild Volvos, he became one with them and attained a level of dignity and industriousness that only they could teach. To this day it has been his mission to honor and care for the underpriveleged and downtrodden Volvos around the world. He returned to Sweden to see the only family he has ever known during the summer of 2006. During his stay, he met a firey S40. They quickly fell madly in love and now live happily in a comfortable suite in Village 3. Room 323.

Dylan Mogk
Class of '09
Hometown: Bozeman, Montana
Interests: sadie white, cross country skiing, soccer, singing, guitar, camping

This is Dylan Mogk and he is a tenor in the Manic Optimists. A lot of people don't know who Dylan Mogk is. So I'm going to tell you who Dylan Mogk is. He, Dylan Mogk, is nice, trustworthy, likes music, dancer, aggressive. Once, he saw a bear. He is not a surgeon. In conclusion and in summary, you can't spell 'Manic Optimists' without 'Dylan Mogk' and the letters I, C, P, T, and S.

Tyler Infelise
Class of '09
Hometown: Oakland, California
Major: Economics

Tyler Infelise was born in Berkeley, California; he was the first baby born in the new millennium. Little did modern science know that the cosmic alignment that was in place when Tyler left the womb would cause him to grow exponentially, so by the year 2005 he entered college. As the days go by, the Manic Optimists have noted other strange occurrences, seemingly associated with the celestial significance of his birth. For instance, his voice raised 3 octaves as he auditioned for "What is Love," a phenomenon never before seen. He often feasts upon the unlucky squirrels in the Quad. Some report seeing him in two places at once, both at Manic Optimists rehearsal AND at Crosstones rehearsal. Such claims, however, are uninvestigated, and frankly, bizarre.

And, after translating the bio from English to French to Italian to Portuguese to German to Dutch to English to Chinese to English, we get this bio:

Tyler Infelise has been taken in Berkeley, California; it has been first bebé this of new NATO in millenium it has been. A small number to modern science weet of that makes that it has been in the place that Tyler Geb5rmutter has left, in order to lead the cosmic group to - exponential it has gone to create, the 2005 for this reason enterprise of the advanced instruction has penetrated here. While the day infractions, Manic opportunistes of the other foreign country has the payments perceived, in compliance with whichever publication on the sky interest of its birth. As an example, its voice has increased 3 of Oktaven, while for "lesquel the love it is," a fenómeno never played, to have in the invoice. Eichhoernchen in Viererkabel have us of unfortunately often. One relation that tries immediately in two places, to Manic dwarsopportunistwiederholung and the clay to one repetition one similar condition however of being uninvestigated and frankly, the foreign country.

Dan Seltzer
Class of '08
Hometown: Brooklike, Massachusetts
Major: Music
Interests: Music, Politics, Economics, Humor, Strong Bad/Homestar Runner, Sources of renewable and/or limitless energy, COMPUTER GENERATED MUSIC, very good stories, ways to get rich (legally), pudding, and just about everything!

Dan “Amish” Seltzer was born in a distant field in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. He enjoys churning butter, threshing hay, and riding buggies. But seriously, Amish likes to play games such as “Who will be the first to have electricity?”…unfortunately nobody ever wins. Although he is not supposed to participate in musical activities per the Old Order Amish rules, Dan sings incognito and avoids the wrath of his elders by hiding behind his beard.

In the real world, Amish likes fast cars, the internet, DVD players, Major League Baseball, and the color chartreuse.

Chad Casey
Class of '08
Hometown: Mexico, Maine
Major: Art
Interests: web design/graphics, science fiction, photography, mindlessly violent video games, computers, music

Chad was concieved on top of Mount Everest. Although having not known his parents, a shirpa and his faithful goat found Chad wrapped in swaddling clothes. They named him Chadwick, which of course in alberquerquen means "Classy Beautiful Voiced Flumphernickins". At age 3, Chad decided to decend Everest and leave behind his illegitamite father, and mama goat. Unfortunately, Chad was not used to the thick air of a regular altitude and passed out. When he woke up he was in the town of Lewiston, ME at the age of 18 not knowing how he had gotten thre. Many years had passed, and Chad unconciously dreamed up a high school education and years of human experiance. The altitude change gave Chad a beautiful voice, so beautiful that when admissions at Bates College told him that he could not be granted access to the school, he seranaded them with a beautiful college essay about his infancy with his shirpa goat parents and was immediately admitted. Chad now hopes to shave his beard and reunite with his goat mama to feed her a carrot. The legend has now ended, but his legacy has yet begun.

Stuart Ryan
Class of '09
Hometown: "When it comes down to it, I'm not really sure"
Major: Biology, history minor
Interests: skiing, hiking climbing, eccentric humor, music

The wild Stuart Ryan (Keeblericus elfinum) weighs about 750 lbs and is about 8 feet from head to tail. Native to eastern North America and western Europe, this curious creature's diet consists chiefly of chicken parm and Lipton's noodles. Walking on all fours, the wild Ryan can run at speeds in excess of 80 kmh. The creature is distinguished by its hysterical laughter. This laughter is also the creature's weakness--it is vulnerable to predators while laughing. But beware, a Ryan's bite is much worse than its bark.

Taylor Maher
Class of '07
Hometown: Chevy Chase, Maryland
Major: Economics, Philosophy
Interests:

BOY NAMED SASS
His daddy left home when Taylor was ten,
And he didn't leave much to Ma and him...
Just this old guitar and an empty bottle of grass.
Now, I don't blame him cause he run and hid,
But the meanest thing that he ever did
Was before he left, he went and named me 'Sass'.

Well, he must o' thought that is was quite a joke,
And it got a lot of laughs from a' lots of folk.
It seems I had to watch my whole life pass.
Some gal would giggle and I'd get red,
And some guy'd laugh and I'd bust his head.
I tell ya, life ain't easy for a boy named 'Sass'.

Well, I grew up quick and I grew up mean,
My rhythm got hard and my pitch got keen.
I'd roam from town to town to hide my shame.
But I made me a vow to the moon and stars
That I'd search the honky-tonks and bars,
And sing to anyone that would help me find some fame.

Well, it was Gatlinburg in mid-July
And I just hit town, and my throat was dry.
I thought I'd stop and have myself a glass.
At an old saloon on a street of mud,
There at a table, dealing stud,
Sat the dirty, mangy dog that named me 'Sass'.

Well, I knew that snake was my own sweet dad
From a worn-out picture that my mother'd had,
And I knew that scar on his cheek and his evil eye.
He was big and bent and gray and old,
And I looked at him and my blood ran cold,

And I said: "My name is 'Sass!' Thanks for the grass! Now you gonna Listen!"
I tell ya, I've sang to tougher men,
But I really can't remember when,
He talked and he jeered and he looked like a pedophile
I heard him laugh and then I heard him cuss,
He went for his phone and I pulled mine first,

He stood there cause I blocked his call to simon Cowell
And he said: "Son, this world is rough,
And if a man's gonna make it, he's gotta be tough,
And I know I wouldn't be there to help ya along.
So I give ya that name and I said good-bye.
I knew you'd have to get tough or die,

And it's that name that helped to make you strong."
He said: "Now you just sang one hell of a song,
And I know you hate me, and you wouldn’t be wrong
To sass me now, and I wouldn't blame you if you don’t pass.
But ya ought to thank me, before I die,
For the gravel in ya guts and the spit in ya eye

Cause I'm the son-of-a-bitch that named you 'Sass."
I got all choked up and I threw down my sheet music
And I called him my pa, and he called me his son,
And I come away with a different point of view.
And I think about him, now and then,
Every time I try and every time I win,
And if I ever have a son, I think I'm gonna name him
Ethan or Dylan! Anything but Sass!

Jason Tsichlis
Class of '09
Hometown: Philadelphia, PA
Major: Studio Art, Music
Interests: piano, composing (or trying to), arranging music for a cappella, brewing beer, painting, physics, powerlifting, candy, being greek, mail, calvin and hobbes, relaxing, cats

Jason Tsichlis is an unusual and mysterious character. With a last name that sounds distinctly Ukrainian, Jason hails from the murky depths of Pennsylvania. In a bid for popularity, however, he has recently relocated in order to join the “Just Outside of Boston” club. He has the dubious honor of possessing more nicknames than all of the other ManOps combined. Some current favorites include “Merlin” (for his ability to magically appear out of nowhere), “Little Man” (he’s a bit vertically challenged), and our favorite: “DOF” (which stands for “Death Of Fun”). Jason disappeared shortly after Octoberfest began. He was last seen crawling off towards a heating vent with a backpack overflowing with beer cans and yelling, “Dude, hibernation’s the best idea to ever came out of the animal kingdom! Holla!”

Ryan Pollie
Class of '10
Hometown: Philadelphia, PA
Major: Quicksand
Interests: The Philadelphia Eagles, Wooderson, Benny Rodriguez, John Stamos, Peter Crouch, JTT

Ryan was born high up in the fjords of Norway. His father's name was Thor and his mother was named Gunni. He took great steps as a child perfecting his musical talents on both the wild piano and the refined jazz drumset but gave up performing after an older gentleman at a concert told him he was "the funniest and most entertaining thing to look at on stage!" Ryan was 17.
He then set sail in a Viking ship with a man named Forkbeard who gave him the name Zelda Bird after Ryan, perched atop the Crow's Nest of the ship, yelled out that he saw Death Mountain and a Goron rolling down it. Ryan got scurvy but thankfully recovered. After landing in Georgia he decided to return to his climatic roots and go to college in Maine where he happily writes songs sitting under the Great Deku Tree on the quad. His latest hit was a holiday ballad.

Russel Richie
Class of '09
Hometown: Wyomissing, PA
Major: Psychology
Interests: Music (listening and singing), the outdoors in general (skiing [alpine and telemark], biking, kayaking (sea and white water), etc.), chess, tae kwon do, frisbee, poker, monkeys, Wikipedia, david the gnome, elephants, eating, sleeping, snow, Prof. Frink, sandwiches, the onion, sea shanties, analogies, acquiring skills, impersonations

FUNNY HATS ONLY.