For me, one of the most frustrating things imaginable is peoples' tendency to assume that you're heterosexual…that for some people, it wouldn't even cross their mind to ask you whether you like, have liked, or are in a relationship with a girl. 'Are there any guys that you like?' people ask. Again, again and again.
I've liked some girls. I've liked the occasional guy. Yet any time I've mentioned a guy, my family's ears perk up and they embrace ideas of a relationship. Mention a girl, and they barely listen. The subject goes ignored, almost. It rarely gets taken seriously...and does only when and if I persist in confirming that I feel strongly about it.
I think that the vast majority of people (my family included) are much less likely to automatically associate a queer relationship with the concept of a long-term relationship. That's something that they would automatically do if they were thinking of a heteronormative relationship.
This kind of behavior has got to create some kind of negative feed-back loop in some peoples' minds. I hope that it doesn't have that effect on me. That is, people get subtly (or not so subtly) encouraged in their pursuit of heterosexual relationships, discouraged in their pursuit of queer ones. I *know* what that must do to countless people, psychologically speaking.
Then, there's this: my family claims to be accepting of my sexuality. Yet when my mom brings up the topic of sexuality, she sometimes refers to "issues" that I've had with my sexuality. Issues which a psychologist could help me to sort out. This is no joke. I've been met with an occasional awkward situation. I've had a guy that I wasn't interested in dating ask me to go out for coffee. I'm really open to talking with new people and fairly easygoing...and wanted to talk with/get to know the guy. So I accepted his offer to take me out. It *could* have been just a guy who found me interesting and wanted to get to know me...it could have been a date. I said/asked nothing. Maybe I should have-I don't and never know with these things. Later, it became more obvious that he was interested in dating me. Either way, I ended up feeling a bit annoyed by the fact that he'd assumed that I was attracted to him because I accepted his invitation to go for coffee and to talk.
I think that it's especially frustrating that something like that happened to me in New York, where queer culture is more prevalent than it is in some other places. People should know not to assume things. Something comparable happened to me during my semester abroad, but I thought less of it because I was living in a country where people knew relatively little about queer lifestyles. I understood that there, a guy wouldn't think of asking whether you'd be interested or not.
These are a few thoughts, a few experiences. I've met countless people who never assume a thing about you, which is wonderful. It seems that as time goes on, there are more and more of those people around...~ Student ‘05
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