My best friend, Rachel, came out about a year ago. I’m pretty sure I was one of the first people she told, which makes sense because I’m usually the first person she tells anything. I remember exactly when it happened. We were sailing and talking about our summers. She had spent her summer at an all girls’ camp, and she told me she had developed a huge crush on one of her co-counselors. At the time, she was struggling with the idea of not being straight, suggesting that perhaps the crush was a fluke, a case of genuine admiration instead of a deeper attraction. I didn’t quite know how to react to the news, so I acknowledged the possibility that it wasn’t truly a crush but wasn’t really convinced myself.
        Throughout the fall, the amount that she liked her co-counselor didn’t diminish, and she became more and more confused. I felt helpless because there was nothing I could say or do to make it any easier for her to deal with this. I wanted to come to terms with it myself, and to be comfortable with her sexuality, and I recognized I would love her just as much no matter what her sexual orientation. Still, a part of me, so hidden I barely acknowledged it, hoped that ultimately she would decide that she was actually straight. I was afraid that her being gay would change something between us; that I wouldn’t be able to relate to her as well, and I would lose a part of one of the most meaningful relationships in my life.
        Doing my best to be there for her, I watched Rachel struggle and finally recognize that she was bisexual, though, as she put it, she was more on the lesbian side of bisexual. We would talk about how she wished in some ways that she was gay instead of bi, because people she came out to tended to see her as confused, which she was finally confident she wasn’t. To my amazement, I could still relate to her as well as before. I understood her disgust with the labels that people seemed to need to place on others. We still could even relate to each other when it came to romantic relationships. She still gave the best advice on how to handle my ‘boy problem’ of the moment, and I could still laugh about how much she pined over Emily, her crush.
        Nothing has changed between Rachel and I since she came out. Occasionally, her being bi will come up in conversation, but usually, we both forget that any difference exists. I am glad that Rachel came out, and that she chose me to be one of the first people she told because something in Rachel changed when she came out. Her personality didn’t change, it only got bigger. She lets more people see the amazing person I know. I’m glad I was able to be there for her when she desperately needed someone to listen to her. I’m glad that she seems so much more content with her identity. And I think witnessing Rachel’s courage as she came out to her family and our friends, declaring that this is who she is and she is not ashamed or confused, has helped me define myself too. I find myself less worried about how other people will react to me. Like Rachel, I am who I am, and if you are okay with that, great. And if you are not, oh well.

~ Student ‘09

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