Queer college years: a ‘coming out’ evolution

I came out as gay
during my first year in college
To the crickets

To my journal
To the ceiling
To the mirror
To myself

To my friends
To my roommate
To my brother (on the couch after lunch)
To my parents (on the couch before a movie)

I took it back a few months later
but not as openly as I had come out.

I began to think of myself
generally and specifically
as queer
and as genderqueer

I came out as genderqueer
to a handful of people
beginning sometime during my sophomore year.
To me that means I don’t think of myself as a woman
or as a man.

It shouldn’t be an either/or.
I don’t believe we are
or should be
limited to only two options  of living
as gendered human beings.

I’m coming out as genderqueer to you
because I probably haven’t told you before
and because if I don’t, you might go about your merry way
assuming everyone thinks of themselves as either a woman
or a man
But that’s not the case.

For me, coming out, in one sense, is about disclosure.
It’s about being open
To yourself
To select individuals or groups
To a community of people
To your world.

In another sense,
it’s about breaking assumptions
and stereotypes
Challenging peoples perceptions
Shaking things up.

So I’m coming out as genderqueer.
I’m also coming out
as a white
privileged
able-bodied
U.S. citizen
college-educated
atheist.
I think that’s important to understanding
who I am
(whether I, or you, like it all or not)
and where I come from.

So I’m coming out as genderqueer.
I’m also coming out as having a girlfriend
But not being a girlfriend
or a boyfriend
Because I’m not really a girl
or a boy.
So I’m coming out as having a girlfriend;
As having and being
A companion
A significant other
A partner.

I’m coming out as someone who can desire
and be desired.

I’m coming out to myself
as being worthy of love and respect
My own
My partner’s
My family’s
My friends’
And yours.

I’m coming out as queer
into a world in which people
are discriminated against
at many levels of our xenophobic society
But also one in which I am hopeful
that change
can and will happen
and that I
and you
can make a difference.

I’m coming out of my shell
(it’s still there when I want or need it though)
and into my skin,
where I’m discovering
new ways of living
and experiencing
my ever-evolving self.

~ Student ‘06

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