Fragile Soul, 1962 (Catholic School)
  
  It was suppose to
  be a year of new
  learning
  this year in 6th grade
  It felt like a journey
  into new emotions
  and changes
  My body was looking
  at me from different
  eyes than my soul
  "Who dare you be,"
  I asked in secret?
  God is watching your
  sin of self-abuse
  How can you emerge
  in such depth of filth?
  Touching those erotic
  zones of God and sin
  And in profound and
  dazzled musings I
  find myself staring
  at George
  He, a lovely male
  creature of divine
  taste
  Gazing hourly at
  features so
  explicitly perfect
  I cannot barely
  breathe
  No, wait, I
  have my eyes
  wrongly gazed
  It is not hourly
  that I absorb
  him in my
  every view
  my every fantasy
  He is with me in
  the deepest math
  question
  the classics
  of early morning
  religion torture
  And the great
  temptation of
  bathroom stalking
  How dare I think of
  such utter union
  in the catholic christ
  Oh mind of shame
  sunken to in pure
  thoughts
  unforgiving lust
  in my youth of
  age 12
  Suddenly, quickly
  my words yet
  formed, grave
  "sexual" passion
  exploding unknown
  to my beloved
  as our eyes
  collide in a
  shadow of mortal
  sin
  Stop! Evil eye
  watcher...who
  you be, in shame
  that only God see
  your filthy, horny
  thoughts
  At last reprieve
  home, far from
  my beloved
  brown eyes, no,
  black eyes edged
  like beautifulness
  not yet known to
  any human
  Night, Oh cruel
  hateful night bringing
  me anguish
  tormenting my love
  dreamer
  running for each
  other in hell
  to be
  falling into our
  flesh
  finally we share
  in hiding
  our sin of
  secret love
  No, why is
  he not here
  with me Eros
  You promised
  my beloved
  would run
  to me through
  dreams of truth
  The years would
  be brutal
  And only now
  does truth
  behold my soul

 

- Calvin

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