Angles

I’m not sure what to say here.
I’m gay.
Yes.
Correct.

“Tell me about that,” a patient interviewer might prod.
“You’re holding that pencil in your left hand,” I might reply. “Tell me about that. How teachers tried to make you something you weren’t. How much it sucks to stand in classroom doorways searching for left-handed desks.”
“But this is different,” they’d reply. “Being gay is so much more important, so much more…defining. It’s more of a lifestyle, right?”
“Really? A lifestyle? What does that mean? That I only speak to people who are gay, men with leopard print furniture and tight purple pants, and women with buzz cuts and ugly clothes? That on weekends the only time I leave the gay bar is for the weekly gay pride parade? That my entire apartment is decorated with a rainbow theme?”

That’s one way to take things. The good ole reassuring “I’m just like straight people, being gay doesn’t make me any different, don’t worry!” It’s hard to decide on a direction here without knowing the audience. Maybe you don’t know many gay people and they kind of frighten you, you’ve heard all of these things about them and their lifestyle and stuff. There, reassuring works great there. But what if you see all these gay folks running around and you think they’re making a big deal out of nothing. Well now my reassuring has cut their legs out from underneath them, reinforced that they’re being silly and overreacting.

So, rewind. Another angle.
“Tell me about that.”
“Well, sometimes it’s scary. I mean, you always hear about people getting teased, beat up, killed, just for being gay. It happens everywhere. Heck, I’ve even had kids make fun of me. Sometimes when I’m walking alone and there’s a crowd of drunk guys coming towards me, I get nervous. Remember when that guy in Bangor was killed, thrown off that bridge? I just hate when we can’t hold hands in public because we’re afraid.”

What did you think of that answer? I don’t really like this mentality, letting myself be scared by bigots, but I’ve been very safe and lucky, I don’t need to worry like some people do. Maybe you still think I’m making a big deal of nothing, though. Maybe I should have mentioned specific injuries people have gotten, things that have been yelled, how people have died. But what if you’re reading this because you’ve realized you’re gay, and you’re scared to come out? Well that sure won’t boost your confidence. “Congrats on coming out, here’s some pepper spray and info on self defense courses!”

Rewind again.
“Tell me about that.”
“Well, oh gosh, it must have started when I, like, went to a liberal arts college. And then I realized what my body ached for….” (Continues into overly graphic descriptions of fantasies, joys, emotions)

See, this one I’m divided on. This culture, or at least New England, is awful stuffy about sex. It happens. People enjoy it. People think about it, a lot. Cut it out with all the nervous giggling and abrupt topic changes every time someone brings it up. But…people are more likely to support gay rights if they see it as supporting civil rights (you are no longer allowed to beat the crap out of gay people) than supporting homosexuality (men who have sex with each other should be accepted and protected). And maybe you’ve absorbed the stereotype that gay people are promiscuous and oversexed. So maybe to compensate for that, we should refuse to acknowledge that gay people have sex. After all, why should my “talk about it!” campaign be imposed on this discussion?

Rewind again.
“Tell me about that.”
“Well, it’s interesting. I was privileged all my life. I was well-off, white, getting a great education. But now…things look different when you’re not in the powerful group – you’re excluded from lots of things, you hear jokes that really hit home. You see connections you didn’t see before – like movies are about straight, white, wealthy couples, unless they’re “gay movies,” or “multicultural movies,” or “heartwarming movies.” All of the hatred and discrimination that all of the “isms” (racism, heterosexism, classism, sexism, etc) create has really spurred my interest in, and dedication to, politics.”

I can hear the labels being slapped on right now. Bleeding heart liberal! Hipster! Angry feminist! This is the opposite of the gender-norm-loving, non-threatening/non-sexual/non-political/non-anything-deviant first answer I gave. Is it better? Worse? More of a general-audience sort of answer, I think. Maybe a little off-putting to non-political closeted folks or conservatives, but a good message, nothing too outrageous.

This could go on for a long time. Trying to write for many people with many different reasons for reading, it’s hard to know what to emphasize, what to clear up, what will stick with them.

So what do you think? These are all true, pick the answer you were looking for.

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