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coming out anthology 2006


Thump Thump Thump

Thump. Thump. Thump. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and I could feel my hands moisten with sweat. The entire school was gathered in the auditorium to listen to a speaker for Diversity Day. Ironically, I had woken up that morning grateful for the chance to sleep in, not knowing that by the end of the day my continual shortage of sleep would be the least of my worries.

“Stand up if you know anyone gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender,” said the speaker. I began to tremble, knowing the moment of truth was coming. I had foolishly thought that everyone would accept me despite my difference. Thump. Thump. Thump. My heart and mind were racing even faster than before. Although I had never intended to reveal my secret, at that moment I had decided to be open and honest with myself no matter what the cost. I mean, why does it even matter to other people who I am attracted to? “Now stand up if you are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender.” Trembling with fear, I cautiously stood up and looked around to see who else stood tall with me.  As I searched, all of the faces that seemed so familiar to me just minutes before now all blurred together like the faces of strangers in a large crowd. Out of the chaotic blurriness, I saw a few distinct faces. I wish I could say they were smiling and comforting me through this experience… but they were in fact, to say the least, not so welcoming. I knew at that moment that nothing would be the same.

The next few hours flew by and I suddenly found myself walking down a large hill toward a special school-wide lunch outside. Although my entire school was walking down together, I felt completely alone in the crowd. After eating my lunch, I searched for some friends who I hoped would tell me that I had done the right thing. Being a sophomore, I instinctively went to my friends in the senior class who I thought were older and wiser. Just as I had hoped, they all welcomed with me with warm embraces and comforting smiles. Both the junior and the freshmen classes seemed completely indifferent to what had just happened, which was strangely comforting. As for my class, not one, not two, but three of my closest friends at the time approached me. Without a greeting, they told me that I was going to burn in Hell for being who I am, and that I disgusted them. Hearing these hurtful words, I felt the tears build from behind my eyes, and my confidence and self esteem plummet. At first I was shocked and hurt by their outright rejection. Before the assembly we were walking up to the auditorium smiling and laughing together, but now they hated me for showing my true colors. I thought that surely everyone understands that I did not choose to be different.

- Anonymous



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